


Fondle With Care

by ToiletPaperPrincess



Series: Reader-Insert Shenanigans [2]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Awkwardness, Fluff, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Humor, Other, Post-Pacifist Route, Reader-Insert, Reader-Interactive, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-22
Updated: 2015-11-22
Packaged: 2018-05-02 19:04:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5260130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToiletPaperPrincess/pseuds/ToiletPaperPrincess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Keeping a secret from your boyfriend—even one about gross human bodily functions he wouldn't understand—can only lead to bad karma.</p><p>(There's lots of references to body stuff, but it's all worded super vaguely so it's not particularly gross or sexy.  Mostly it's all just very silly, with a bit of fluff.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fondle With Care

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place post-Pacifist Ending, so there are a few spoilers. I kept it ambiguous as to whether Reader was in Frisk's role or is someone else the characters met post-game.
> 
> Sorry it's a little weird/gross, haha, but thank you for reading!

“ROTATE LEFT! NO, THE OTHER LEFT! ONCE MORE! NOW SLIDE IT TO—OH, YOU GOT IT. GOOD JOB!”

“Thanks, coach.”

“NYEH HEH HEH.”

You were seated comfortably in Papyrus’ lap, his arms gently hugging your waist, playing Tetris. Normally you preferred RPGs, but Pap wasn’t a fan, feeling that characters and storylines and battle scenes were unnecessary distractions from perfectly good puzzles. So you’d picked up some old arcade-style puzzle games, plus a handful of board games for good measure, and that’s what fueled most of your date nights.

You’d played Tetris together so often that you could practically beat it in your sleep, so you and Papyrus were able to chat about your friends and your jobs without missing a beat on the pixelated screen (though Papyrus would occasionally scream with dismay when he thought a block was about to land in the wrong place). It was simple, it was pleasant, it was (mostly) quiet...

And Papyrus’ hand was absently stroking your thigh.

Even through your clothing, your skin tingled everywhere he touched, leaving you giddy. You bit your lip as his thumb brushed your inner thigh, but instead he ran up the outer edge, gently tickling up your side.

You giggled, flushing slightly, and paused the game. Putting down the controller, you swung around to face Papyrus and kissed him decisively on the mouth. He grinned shyly, hugging you against him as he kissed you back.

As the skeleton had profusely apologized for when you’d first started dating, he didn’t have lips, so kissing had taken a bit of getting used to. But by now he’d gotten good enough at mimicking the head turns and nuzzles of makeouts that it more than made up for the fact that you were basically just sucking on his inflexible jawbones. Pap did have the somewhat unfortunate habit of saying “MWAH” with every kiss to make it clear what he was doing, but you were so used to it that it didn’t make you laugh anymore, and anyway the feeling of his mouth opening and closing against yours was pretty nice.

You’d just slipped away to kiss his cheek when Papyrus suddenly swept you into his arms bridal-style, making you squeak with surprise. He “MWAH”ed you hard on the lips, chuckling and blushing at your reaction before diving down to nuzzle the base of your neck. He kept kissing you, and you kept kissing him back, your breath coming in short gasps as the force of Pap’s affection dipped you lower and lower in his arms. You were inches away from being flat on your back with your bony boyfriend hovering over you and—

Uh-oh.

“Ah, sorry, one second!” you wheezed, breaking the kiss. Papyrus let go instantly, afraid that he’d done something wrong. “No, no, it’s okay—I just have to go to the bathroom—”

You got up and sprinted, slamming the bathroom door behind you. Damn, that was too close—the interest your body had had in that makeout was obvious even before you got your pants off. Groaning, you waddled over to the toilet and tried to take care of business as quickly as possible.

Once you were sure you were out of the danger zone, you flushed the evidence and washed your hands vigorously enough to make Woshua proud. Then you took a deep breath, straightened your waistband, and stepped back outside.

“Sorry about—” you started, but never finished. Papyrus wasn’t where you’d left him.

He was at your front door, one foot already over the threshold.

“OH,” he said stiffly when he saw you, and didn’t pull his foot back inside. You tensed up immediately, heart pounding, alarm bells going off in your head. You may have gotten out of one danger zone, but everything in Papyrus’ demeanor made it clear that you’d only entered another.

“What are you doing?” you asked cautiously, trying to sound casual.

Papyrus shrugged just as offhandedly, so you prepared yourself for an evasive answer before getting smacked in the heart with a blunt one. “LEAVING,” he said simply. “SINCE YOU OBVIOUSLY WANTED TO SPEND TIME ALONE WITH YOUR PRECIOUS BATHROOM.”

“I was only gone a couple of minutes,” you replied automatically—you were sure it was true, that is, you hadn’t actually _checked_ , but you were pretty sure.

“NOT CUMULATIVELY.”

“...Huh?”

“NOT CU—NOT IN A CUMULA—” Finally Papyrus snapped, stomping his foot. (The floorboards rattled. You’d almost forgotten he was a superstrong monster warrior, and started to get scared in a different way.) “IT’S A FEW MINUTES _EVERY_ TIME, SO IT ADDS UP TO A _LOT_ OF MINUTES _OVER_ TIME!”

“I mean, uh...P-Pap, you know I’m a human, right? I’ve gotta—um—I’ve just gotta go to the bathroom sometimes—”

“BUT ALWAYS IN THE MIDDLE OF KISSES?” You wished you could close the door, he was so loud, but Papyrus showed no signs of bringing that errant foot back into your home. He punched the doorframe in frustration—not hard, but you could see cracks appearing. Despite your best instincts, you started to hurry towards him. “EVERY TIME, IT’S ALWAYS WHEN WE’RE INDULGING IN A PASSIONATE DISPLAY OF OUR AFFECTIONS!” he was ranting. “I’VE BEEN KEEPING A RECORD, I _KNOW_ THERE’S NO CONNECTION WITH HOW LONG IT’S BEEN SINCE YOU ATE OR DRANK! IT’S ALWAYS THE KISSING! YOU _ALWAYS_ RUN TO THE BATHROOM WHEN WE’RE _KISSING!_ ”

“Papyrus—” you started pleadingly, placing a hand on his face. “Papyrus, look at me.”

You were going to make up a bullshit excuse about variations in the human digestive system, but when he looked at you it just crumbled. It was clear that he wasn’t just angry. Hard as he was trying to conceal it, the skeleton was fighting back tears.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” you mumbled, stroking his cheek. He scrunched up his face harder, trying to resist the urge to fall apart. “I was—”

“YOU LIKE YOUR BATHROOM MORE THAN ME.”

“ _NO!_ No. I, um...”

This was the tough part.

“I...have to go to the bathroom because I like _you_.”

Papyrus’ face relaxed into a look of slack-jawed shock. You took advantage of the moment to pull him inside and shut the door behind him.

“UM...UH...WHAH...NYUH?”

“Uh, that is, um, human bodies...” You reddened, avoiding his gaze. “We, um...you know...that is, we have to do things in the bathroom...”

“I REMEMBER.”

Papyrus shuddered with disgust. That was one of the reasons you’d never really brought up the topic of sex—the poor skeleton had been traumatized when he’d learned the purpose of toilets (though it was only fair, since you still had nightmares about the first time you’d seen him eat spaghetti and watched it just slop through his teeth and onto the floor). You couldn’t imagine how gross he’d find the mechanics of frickle-frackle. And since you’d brushed against his bony lap enough times to feel certain he wasn’t packing anything downstairs, you’d figured it was a moot point so long as you could keep your involuntary reactions under control. But now... _now_...

“Okay, um, there’s this other thing besides digestion, that, um...makes stuff happen, and, uh...I...” You buried your face in your hands and let the resulting darkness give you the confidence to finish, though you kept the explanation as vague as possible. “Kissing you makes me need to go to the bathroom, okay? Because I like you so much.”

Papyrus was very silent. Eerily silent.

You didn’t want to look.

“...HOW MUCH YOU LIKE ME MAKES YOU NEED TO GO TO THE BATHROOM?” he finally said, slowly. “IN A DISGUSTINGLY PHYSICAL WAY?”

“Yes. Super disgusting. I didn’t want to tell you.”

“SO...LIKING ME MAKES YOUR BODY DO GROSS THINGS THAT UPSET YOU.”

“Um.” That was unexpected, but basically true. “Yes?”

“OH.”

There was a short pause.

“I’M VERY SORRY,” he said, and you heard his thudding footsteps as he ran out the door.

By the time you tore your hands from your face and ran out after him, he was already speeding away down the street. Goddamn superstrong skeleton with superlong legs.

You waited an hour to see if he’d come back, but no such luck. So you called his phone and got his voicemail, which absolutely _never happened_ , but you managed to fight down your panic enough to fumble out an apology for how the evening had gone and ask if he was okay. You hung up feeling sick to your stomach.

Around two in the morning you couldn’t stand it any longer and texted Sans to ask if Papyrus had made it home. All you got in response was a thumbs-up emoji, which was fair, since you’d probably woken him up.

You went to bed a nervous wreck and had that blasted spaghetti nightmare again, only this time it took place in a bathroom.

***

You were rudely awakened at half past six by the sound of your phone buzzing. It was so continuous that you assumed it was an incoming call, but it turned out to be a series of text messages, sent immediately one after another.

They were from Papyrus and were, of course, in all caps.

*HUMAN DATE-FRIEND!!!

*I’M SORRY FOR MY QUICK EXIT LAST NIGHT! IT WAS UNPROFESSIONAL!!

*I’M ALSO SORRY TO HAVE ACCIDENTALLY CAUSED YOU SUCH BOWEL(???) DISTRESS! THIS WAS NEVER MY INTENT! YOU HAVE PROBABLY ASSUMED THIS, BUT, WELL, I’M REITERATING FOR SAFETY!

*MY GREAT CHARM AND CHARISMA WERE MEANT TO ONLY BE USED FOR GOOD, BUT ALAS, YOUR HUMAN BODY BETRAYS US! PERHAPS IT IS BETRAYING YOU RIGHT NOW?? OH NO!!!

You had to stifle a laugh there. As attracted as you were to the guy, you weren’t likely to orgasm just from getting a text.

*I SHALL BE BRIEF IN CASE THAT PREVENTS YOUR GROSS BATHROOM PROBLEMS! SO!

*IT’S PROBABLY BEST IF WE DON’T SEE EACH OTHER ANYMORE.

You weren’t even drinking anything and you did a spit-take. You hurriedly tried to type out a response, but your phone was already vibrating as the rest of Papyrus’ train of thought popped in text by text.

*I CAN’T IN GOOD CONSCIENCE BE RESPONSIBLE FOR PUTTING YOUR FRAGILE BODY THROUGH DISGUSTING AGONY.

*I DON’T SAY THIS LIGHTLY!!! I’LL MISS YOU A LOT!! I’LL PROBABLY CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP TONIGHT! I’M CRYING RIGHT NOW!!!

The next message was just an emoji of a wildly sobbing face, copied and pasted so many times that it took you a full thirty seconds to scroll to the end.

>papyrus no it’s okay

Pap was an incredibly swift typist despite his huge gloved fingers, so you had to suffer through a few more sad breakup texts before you got one that addressed your response. After that, they came in a bit more slowly as Papyrus allowed you time to reply.

*ARE YOU TYPING THIS FROM THE BATHROOM RIGHT NOW?? IT’S OKAY TO ADMIT YOUR WEAKNESS!

>no I’m not in the bathroom

*SO IS TEXTING OKAY?? CAN WE STILL BE PEN PALS???

>we can still date if you want to

>it’s really not a big deal

*PLEASE DON’T TRY TO CONCEAL YOUR SUFFERING FOR MY SAKE!

*I DON’T WANT TO HURT YOU!!

>you’re not though!

*I DON’T WANT MY LIKEABILITY TO MAKE YOUR BODY HURT YOU!!!

>papyrus

*DON’T SAY MY NAME!

*(IS IT OKAY FOR YOU TO SAY MY NAME?)

>PAPYRUS

*BE CAREFUL!!

>PAPYRUS I’M NOT IN DANGER I’M JUST A LITTLE EMBARRASSED

>it doesn’t hurt or anything

>it’s just kinda annoying

*OH?

>please. i still wanna date you.

>(if you still wanna)

*YES

*THAT IS.

*IF WE’RE CAREFUL.

Your less-than-four-hours of sleep and overall emotional exhaustion got the best of you. You just let it go.

>ok

Papyrus sent back a “!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” and nothing else.

You put your phone back down and, filled with relief, fell back asleep.

Not ten minutes later, your alarm went off.

***

You didn’t hear from Papyrus again for a few days, which worried you a little, but you figured it’d be best to give him some space. Hopefully this whole thing would blow over soon and things would go back to normal.

Finally, at the end of your work shift, your phone rang. Your face lit up when you saw the caller ID.

 _“ARE YOU IN PUBLIC?”_ was the first thing he said.

“Um. Yes?”

 _“GOOD. ...GOOD.”_ He paused. _“GOOD?”_

“Papyrus, I’m _fine_ ,” you insisted.

_“OKAY! SURROUNDED BY HUMAN WITNESSES WHO CAN ASSIST YOU AT A MOMENT’S NOTICE IF NECESSARY! EXCELLENT!”_

Holy crap.

“That’s not—”

Once again, he was too quick for you. _“I’M CALLING TO ASK IF YOU’RE READY TO SEE ME AGAIN TONIGHT?”_

“Ready—?”

_“DON’T PUSH YOURSELF IF YOU CAN’T HANDLE IT!”_

“Papyrus—”

_“I REALLY WISH YOU WOULDN’T SAY MY NAME. IT MAKES ME NERVOUS.”_

“PAPYRUS.”

_“NOOOOOOOOO!”_

“Papyrus, listen to me. I’m perfectly fine, and I want to see you. Okay?”

There was a very long pause.

“OKAY?” you repeated forcefully.

_“ALL RIGHT. I’LL COME TO YOUR PLACE AT 8:15 AND WILL LEAVE AT PRECISELY 9:00.”_

He hung up before you could argue. But it was progress, and he was going to see you, and you could smooth the whole thing over and talk him into staying longer. It would be all right.

When you got back from work, you cleaned up the place just like Papyrus had been nagging you to do for the past few weeks. Then you showered, made yourself your most presentable (prim and proper “job interview” style, to sell him on how well-adjusted and not-incapacitated-by-bathroom-needs you were), and ate just enough food so that you’d still have room if he made dinner but wouldn’t suffer if he didn’t. Everything was perfect. You even put on that polka album he liked.

Your doorbell rang at exactly 8:15. You were ready and waiting, and you opened the door.

A very tall, bulky shape was standing on your doorstep. It had on a trenchcoat, leather boots, a thick plaid scarf, enormous star-shaped sunglasses, and a top hat.

“DON’T BE ALARMED,” said Papyrus’ voice, though it was heavily muffled through the scarf. He winked audibly. “IT’S ONLY ME, THE BOYFRIEND-WHO-MUST-NOT-BE-NAMED. I’M IN DISGUISE!”

He brushed right past you and made a motion you hoped was to take off his coat, but no, he only adjusted the collar self-importantly. “I CONSIDERED DISGUISING MY MELODIOUS VOICE AS WELL, BUT SINCE YOU WEREN’T OVERCOME WITH BATHROOM GROSSNESS WHEN WE SPOKE ON THE PHONE, I DECIDED IT WAS PROBABLY SAFE.”

The Boyfriend-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named glared at you suspiciously through his sunglasses. “YOU... _WEREN’T_ OVERCOME WITH BATHROOM GROSSNESS WHEN WE SPOKE ON THE PHONE... _WERE_ YOU?”

“Absolutely not,” you made yourself say, though you were still in a sort-of state of shock.

Papyrus let out an exaggerated sigh of relief, then reached into the pocket of his trenchcoat and pulled out a bag of greasy takeout food. “I WASN’T SURE HOW WELL YOU’D REACT TO MY SIGNATURE SPAGHETTI, SINCE YOU LIKE IT SO MUCH,” he explained, “SO I WAS FORCED TO COMPROMISE. I’LL EAT IT WITH YOU AS A SIGN OF SOLIDARITY, BUT DON’T WORRY, MY NATURAL REVULSION TO INGESTING SUCH SUBPAR CUISINE IS BALANCED OUT BY MY HAPPINESS AT KEEPING YOU EMBARRASSMENT-FREE!”

The irony of his statement was not lost on you.

This was going to be a long night.

***

“OH MY GOD!!” Alphys was crowing, banging her fist on her worktable in her laughter. “ARE YOU _SERIOUS?!?_ ”

You massaged your temples, groaning. You couldn’t blame her for laughing, you _knew_ this whole thing was cartoonishly ridiculous, but you were in too deep to find it anything but upsetting.

“I haven’t seen his face in _two weeks!_ ” you ranted, voice cracking in agitation. “He even turns away from me when he’s eating so I won’t catch a glimpse of his exposed teeth! He finally decided we’d ‘worked our way up’ to me coming to his place on Tuesday and he’d frickin’ put _post-it_ _notes_ over his face in all his photographs! Halfway through the night, Sans strolled out of his room wearing a Papyrus mask and Pap straight-up _threw him out the window!_ ”

Alphys had her glasses off now, wiping futilely at the gush of tears streaming down her face. “W-well, he’s trying to protect you,” she managed to choke out past her chortles. “That c-counts for something, right?”

“I know, I _know_.” It was part of what had kept you from exploding at the misguided skeleton—that, and the fact that he hardly let you get a word in edgewise anymore. He was so concerned about your physical well-being that he’d become completely oblivious to your emotional well-being. “It’s just... _you know_.”

“Oh yeah.” Alphys stopped laughing, glancing shiftily to the side. “ _I know_.”

You weren’t totally sure if Alphys was “I know”ing quite the same thing you were “you know”ing, but it was nice to get some sympathy. You’d tried confiding in Sans, hoping that he’d be able to talk some sense into Papyrus, but the skelebro just treated it like a joke and practically went out of his way to make things worse. (He _had_ thumped you affectionately on the shoulder once, though, so you couldn’t get _too_ mad.) And your human friends were mostly too confused by your choice of boyfriend to be much help.

“H-hey,” said Alphys, putting her glasses back on and wandering over to her DVD rack, “actually, this kind of reminds me of an episode from the third reboot of _Tangerine Aroma Nyu Squad_ —y’know, the one where it’s set in a high school in space—they slashed the production budget so the animation quality is kinda ‘eeeeeeeeeh’, but um, the writing is really underrated, it’s incredibly sophisticated when you get down to—” She suddenly cleared her throat self-consciously, and didn’t continue until you made an encouraging noise. “I mean. Uh. If you want, we could w-watch it and see if that, um, gives you an idea of what to do with...your guy...thing?”

It was as good an idea as any, so why not. In the end, the plot didn’t wind up being that relevant (all but one of the showers in the high school space station were infected with a psychic fungus and the main character rival girls refused to bathe all week for fear that they’d end up in the shower together, which of course wound up happening anyway, with all the expected fanservice shots), but it was at least nice to distract yourself from your weird problem with some cartoon characters’ weird problems. Which went on all afternoon, since Alphys had hit “play all” perhaps accidentally-on-purpose.

“Oh, before I forget,” she said after the menu music had looped four times. The little dinosaur fumbled with her hands and turned red, mumbling so quietly that all you could catch was “that place” and “tomorrow night”.

“Your and Undyne’s new place?” you prompted, making a logical leap. Alphys flushed even brighter, hiding her snout in her turtleneck sweater. She and her girlfriend were finally moving in together, but you hadn’t realized it was happening so soon. “A housewarming party? Sounds great! When should I come? You want me to bring anything?”

Still half-buried in her clothing, Alphys shook her head vigorously. “Anytime after five!” she managed to squeak.

A party with fun, food, and that exciting rush you felt from interacting with monsters. It sounded like the perfect distraction. You could let loose and forget about Papyrus’ crazy plan to save you from your own arousal, if only for a night.

***

As you walked through the door of the swanky new apartment, you were forced to make a correction.

You could let loose and forget about Papyrus’ crazy plan to save you from your own arousal, if only _Papyrus wasn’t there because oh my god did you forget he was friends with these people too and would obviously be there._

You spotted him immediately, partly through The Power Of Liking Someone A Lot and partly because it was hard not to notice him on top of the couch Undyne was currently suplexing for an appreciative crowd. He noticed you at the same instant and let out a horrified screech, making Undyne drop the couch in surprise. She managed to catch it before it hit the floor, but he just used the momentum as a springboard to launch himself in your direction.

“DATE-FRIEND, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!?” he demanded in a half-panic, grabbing your arms and shaking you. Then he snatched back his hands, staring at them in terror. “OH NO! I’VE TAINTED YOU! IT WAS AN ACCIDENT, I’M SORRY!!”

“ _OH MY GOD, PAPYRUS_.” You’d been shocked out of your resolve not to get angry with him, but he hardly noticed.

“AAAAAHH! AND YOU’VE SEEN MY UNGUARDED FACE! YOU MUST BE HALFWAY TO SOILING YOURSELF RIGHT NOW!!” he yelled, pulling his cape up over his head to shield you from his beauty.

The crowd around Undyne had started wandering curiously in your direction, and that was too much. You grabbed Papyrus by the hand and dragged him down the hallway with all your might, ignoring his screams of protest. You pulled him into the first room you saw and shut the door and—of course it was the bathroom, _of course_ , and as the cape slid from his eyes he remarked upon it almost immediately.

“I KNEW IT, _I KNEW I’D BRING YOU TO RUIN!_ ” he moaned, burying his face in his hands. “I’M TOO HANDSOME AND DESIRABLE! OF COURSE THE MERE SIGHT OF ME MAKES YOU HAVE ‘LIKING-SOMEONE BATHROOM TROUBLE’!”

“ _WILL YOU JUST SHUT UP FOR ONCE?_ ”

You’d never spoken to him like that before, and the look of startled pain on his face made you instantly regret it. But he _did_ fall quiet, so you began talking as fast as you could.

“Okay, look, I’m sorry I yelled, I’m sorry I _everything_ , it’s just—I miss you, I _love_ you, I want to see your face and hold your hand, I want to really _be_ with you again.”

To your dismay, Papyrus crumpled a little more. “BY WITHHOLDING MY PRESENCE, I—I HURT YOU WHEN I WAS TRYING TO PROTECT YOU?” he wheezed, tears springing to his eyesockets. “THAT’S LITERALLY THE _OPPOSITE_ OF WHAT I WANTED—”

“Shhh, _shhh_ , it’s okay.” You cupped his face in your hands again and tried to smile. “I understand, thank you for trying to help, it’s just that...”

“I DON’T WANT YOU TO BE MAD.” Papyrus shuffled his feet a little, sniffling. “AND I DON’T WANT YOU TO FEEL GROSS.”

“You never make me feel gross.”

“Huh?” The skeleton was so confused, his voice dropped a few decibels. “But you said...”

Your face heated up again as you tried to figure out the best way to explain. And you _had_ to explain, because being too vague was what had gotten you in all this trouble to begin with. “Okay, um, what _exactly_ my body does because I love you is a little gross,” you mumbled, unconsciously tightening your grip on him. You took in a deep breath, then let out a long sigh. “But, I mean...it doesn’t make me _feel_ gross. It makes me feel...good. Like, _really_ good. And that, um...that sorta scares me, and I thought you’d think it was weird, so, uh, even though I had actual gross body stuff to do in the bathroom, that is, I was also kinda hiding in there too. I’m sorry.”

You worked up the courage to look up at Papyrus and found him studying you with a curious expression. “YOU RAN AWAY ALL THOSE TIMES WE WERE KISSING BECAUSE...BECAUSE YOU FELT GOOD?” he managed slowly. “AND IT FELT THAT GOOD BECAUSE YOU L—”

Papyrus made a startled little squeak, and before you could react he had pulled you roughly against him and was smothering you with a passionate “MWAH”.

“I LOVE YOU TOO!” he whooped once the kiss broke, glowing with a deeper blush than you’d ever seen on him before. “WOWIE! IF YOU’D JUST TOLD ME THAT FROM THE BEGINNING, THERE WOULDN’T EVEN HAVE BEEN A PROBLEM! SILLY HUMAN!!”

Your mind whirling through your lightheaded joy, you tried to remember what you’d said. You—you _had_ said you loved him, hadn’t you? Had that really been the first time you’d done so?

Papyrus glanced shiftily from side to side, still grinning goofily. “TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH,” he said in a tone that would’ve sounded like a whisper if his voice wasn’t so naturally loud, “I FEEL REALLY GOOD WHEN I’M KISSING YOU TOO.”

You gave a broad smile that was soon squished under a gentle “mwah”. Wrapping your arms around your boyfriend’s neck, you kissed him back tenderly. A few more pecks were had until a sudden shift in position left you with a clear view of the mirror and you let out a horrified gasp.

“MM?” Papyrus inquired pleasantly as you whirled around. The ghost Napstablook was hanging motionless in midair above the bathtub, face frozen in a deer-in-headlights expression. They must’ve been hiding in there to avoid the crowd, but then you and Pap had—

“Oh my god, I’m _so sorry_ ,” you croaked, but at the sound of your voice Napstablook spasmed and vanished.

Papyrus patted your back consolingly, and feeling his touch again almost made up for the sheer mortification of what had just happened. “SEEMS LIKE BATHROOMS ARE A PRETTY HIP PLACE TO BE! MAYBE I SHOULD GET IN ON THIS ACTION??”

You giggled, which felt great. Then Papyrus wrapped an arm around your shoulder and nuzzled your cheek, which felt even better.

***

Papyrus stayed in physical contact with you for the rest of the party, ranging from holding your hand to outright spooning you. He also announced to anyone who’d listen about the tender love confessions you’d just exchanged, which annoyed Undyne, who insisted that the whole point of this party was to celebrate that she and Alphys were so super in love that they’d bought an apartment together so they’d never have to be apart, which escalated into Pap and Undyne repeatedly trying to drag you and Alphys into some kind of competition to determine who was the best couple.

At one point Alphys caught your eye, mimed a dance move from the theme song of that anime you’d watched, gave a big grin, pointed at you and Papyrus, and winked. You nodded solemnly back.

There was absolutely no sign of Napstablook for the rest of the night, hard as you searched. You typed out a lengthier apology on your phone and sent it to them through social media while Papyrus and Undyne were arm wrestling (which splintered what’d looked like a brand-new coffee table).

But soon enough the evening wound down, the number of lingering guests could be counted on two hands, and it was time to leave.

“We’re still the _scaliest_ couple!” Undyne rasped, her voice hoarse from shouting with Papyrus all night. She yanked Alphys’ arm forward to show him. “Try again when you’ve got some _texture!_ ”

“WILL DO!” Pap chirped happily as you thanked your hosts, and the pair of you walked hand-in-hand to the door.

“SANS IS PROBABLY HOME BY NOW,” mused your skeleton boyfriend as you exited. You’d seen Sans not three minutes ago at the juice bar, but Papyrus was still probably right. “SO...WOULD IT BE ALL RIGHT...IF WE RETIRED TO YOUR PLACE INSTEAD?”

You were taken a bit off-guard, having expected to go home alone and sleep after such an exhausting night, but you smiled. “Sure. Tetris and chill?”

The last word turned into a squeal as Papyrus forcefully swept you off your feet, carrying you bridal-style. “THERE’S NO TIME!!” he was saying, already transitioning from a jog to a full sprint. “WE HAVE TO HURRY!”

You clung on for dear life. Good gosh, thumping down flights of stairs at top speed, this was worse than a roller coaster. “Wait, what? Why?”

“BECAUSE!!” Pap wasn’t even out of breath as he charged out the front door of the apartment building. “WE HAVE TO MAKE UP! A MAKE-UP MAKEOUT??!? THAT IS, I OWE YOU TWO WEEKS OF MISSED KISSES!! AND _YOU_ OWE _ME_ TWO WEEKS OF MISSED _KISSING-BACKS!!!_ ”

You felt a tingle. A really, _really_ excited tingle.

“YOU BETTER GET READY TO HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM A LOT!!” echoed loudly along the deserted street.

Damn, you thought as you buried your face in the crook of his neck. You _really_ loved this skeleton.


End file.
